Management speak

[Deleted member 559]

teamwork makes the dreamwork

 

[Skippy]

We got an email recently saying that a new bit of software was "on the glide path to launch". I think that means it's nearly ready.

 

[RestlessNatives]

teamwork makes the dreamwork

You disgust me.

 

[Roger Senseless]

Great to see you think outside the box. Open the kimono and don't anticipate slippage.

For me though, there is no box, just blue sky thinking.

Thinking outside the box sometimes means ignoring the problem and thinking of what's inside an outside box when other boxes are put inside the outside box.

 

[Charmless Man]

Let's put that in the idea car park and concentrate on creating a tiger team to shift paradigms and leverage best practice.

Tiger team?

Sounds class. I'm going to instigate one in my work place.

I presume they go around mauling underperformers and feasting on their flesh?

 

[GBSAFC]

Post your examples here.

I sort of understand this but I needed to read it a few times:

Collaborative delivery of a set of agreed recommendations regarding the potential implementation of a benefits management process for <<our place of work>>. Success will be measured by the ability to deliver the recommendations within the demands placed on <<our department>> by <<our place of work>> and the degree to which the delivery of this objective contributes towards building a single business solutions team.

vertical intergration

Tiger team?

Sounds class. I'm going to instigate one in my work place.

I presume they go around mauling underperformers and feasting on their flesh?

easting out work colleagues is a diciplinary

 

[Nee Onions Mate]

I always got confused with subjective and objective.
Love my job now. I can say what I really mean in simple English.

"Look, just fuckin dee as I say or fuck off and don't come back"

 

[Doctor Nowt]

'Let's all have some blue sky thinking so we can hit the ground running and are singing from the same hymn sheet.'

Used by a manager to me years ago at a Doxford-park based Loans Company. He was an utter twat and the company went bust a few years after they sacked me, a then-father of a 3 month old baby. Twats.

 

[GBSAFC]

teamwork makes the dreamwork

there goes me dinner

 

[RestlessNatives]

The whole cult of Agile boils my piss with it's 'planning poker' and burn down charts. It attracts the worst type of geeky fundamentalists.
Matrix management is another one that gets quoted but not understood. Ask anybody to explain it and they'll start drawing a matrix. Tell them that you know what a matrix is and you even know what matrix management is but you'd like to know how it works in this scenario and they are flummoxed.

'Let's all have some blue sky thinking so we can hit the ground running and are singing from the same hymn sheet.'

Used by a manager to me years ago at a Doxford-park based Loans Company. He was an utter twat and the company went bust a few years after they sacked me, a then-father of a 3 month old baby. Twats.

Citi?

 

[ollie c]

"Let's get a diaper on this toddler, before it starts to walk"

 

[RestlessNatives]

there goes me dinner

I'm still going to try and use it with a straight face next week.

 

[Charmless Man]

I remember being told to 'take ownership' of something once.

What that meant was the person who is supposed to be training you in this role is too busy to train you so you're going to have to teach yourself.

 

[Deleted User 11453]

The whole cult of Agile boils my piss with it's 'planning poker' and burn down charts. It attracts the worst type of geeky fundamentalists.
Matrix management is another one that gets quoted but not understood. Ask anybody to explain it and they'll start drawing a matrix. Tell them that you know what a matrix is and you even know what matrix management is but you'd like to know how it works in this scenario and they are flummoxed.
...

I had a negative attitude towards Agile until I attended a decent training event. I'm not totally convinced even now but I think the approach has its uses when used in the correct scenarios. To be fair to the instructor they explained that the 'waterfall' method still has its uses when the specifications and technology are known and measurable.

Some people in IT think that the latest fad will be a panacea and race gung-ho to implement them without thinking about the more boring but practical alternatives. It's probably to pad out their CV for their next job.

 

[CatRyan]

Whenever I raise a critical point I hear this.. "Great, let's park that and talk about xyz instead"

 

[GBSAFC]

I'm still going to try and use it with a straight face next week.

this will end well

 

[FalkirkMackem]

Touch base

 

[RestlessNatives]

I had a negative attitude towards Agile until I attended a decent training event. I'm not totally convinced even now but I think the approach has its uses when used in the correct scenarios. To be fair to the instructor they explained that the 'waterfall' method still has its uses when the specifications and technology are known and measurable.

Some people in IT think that the latest fad will be a panacea and race gung-ho to implement them without thinking about the more boring but practical alternatives. It's probably to pad out their CV for their next job.

Agile itself is fine in certain scenarios. Unfortunately it attracts bellends who try and shoehorn it into every project whether it is suitable or not.
Partly for their cv and partly to cut corners and claim they are being agile.

 

[Charmless Man]

Touch base

I'd reply "Touch me hoop man!"

 

[Deleted User 11453]

Agile itself is fine in certain scenarios. Unfortunately it attracts bellends who try and shoehorn it into every project whether it is suitable or not.
Partly for their cv and partly to cut corners and claim they are being agile.

Conkered, we have one project in particular that I always use as an example of a fr(Agile) project that went tits up. It seems to work when there is ample buy-in from the users, and when people are left alone to be resourced on one job at a time during the sprints.

Let's be lean my friend.