Management speak

[Charmless Man]

Conkered, we have one project in particular that I always use as an example of a fr(Agile) project that went tits up. It seems to work when there is ample buy-in from the users, and when people are left alone to be resourced on one job at a time during the sprints.

Let's be lean my friend.

 

[Doctor Nowt]

The whole cult of Agile boils my piss with it's 'planning poker' and burn down charts. It attracts the worst type of geeky fundamentalists.
Matrix management is another one that gets quoted but not understood. Ask anybody to explain it and they'll start drawing a matrix. Tell them that you know what a matrix is and you even know what matrix management is but you'd like to know how it works in this scenario and they are flummoxed.


Citi?

Right first time

 

[RestlessNatives]

Right first time

What were the initials of the manager? There were some spectacular cockweasels at that place. Some good people as well. I'm still good mates with a lot of people from there and I left 9 years ago.

 

[Doctor Nowt]

What were the initials of the manager? There were some spectacular cockweasels at that place. Some good people as well. I'm still good mates with a lot of people from there and I left 9 years ago.

Will PM mate, yeah it was an incredibly hateful place, scattered with some lovely people doing their best.

 

[Lankester Merrin]

Matrix management is another one that gets quoted but not understood. Ask anybody to explain it and they'll start drawing a matrix. Tell them that you know what a matrix is and you even know what matrix management is but you'd like to know how it works in this scenario and they are flummoxed.

Matrix management is a sure fire sign of an organisation going tits up. If they show you a matrix management chart start polishing your CV

 

[Coeus]

teamwork makes the dreamwork

Possibly the best thing I have ever heard.

 

[Deleted User 11453]

Possibly the best thing I have ever heard.

There's no I in TEAM but there is a ME, MATE and MEAT.

Tidied

I enjoyed it! Decent free food and coffee, worked with some OK people. Better than being at the desk annoying you poor sods.

What were the initials of the manager? There were some spectacular cockweasels at that place. Some good people as well. I'm still good mates with a lot of people from there and I left 9 years ago.

D.B. by the sounds of it.

 

[The Count]

I had a negative attitude towards Agile until I attended a brain washing event.

Tidied

 

[Lankester Merrin]

There's no I in TEAM

There is if you colour in the middle bits of the A

 

[MunkyHeed]

I once used 'To make sure we're all spunking in the same face,...' in a meeting

Obv. I knew the invitees VERY well. Seemed to go down fairly well.

 

[Deleted User 11453]

I once used 'To make sure we're all spunking in the same face,...' in a meeting

Obv. I knew the invitees VERY well. Seemed to go down fairly well.

I have introduced the term 'fannying around' into the system analysts' vernacular.

 

[MonkeyLove]

Nothing too cringeworthy where I am currently but Americanisms like Connect are annoying.

It's the words people use without knowing what they mean. Lean, align, initiative. Then the endless shit project names.

There's no I in team but there is a u in kernt...

 

[Roger Mellie]

There's no I in TEAM but there is a ME, MATE and MEAT.



I enjoyed it! Decent free food and coffee, worked with some OK people. Better than being at the desk annoying you poor sods.



D.B. by the sounds of it.

I once, without even thinking, let slip the reply of "no, but there is a "U" in "C*nt" in what I thought was "under my breath" whispers, but that everyone heard, during a national sales team meeting.

Thankfully, the bloke who made the initial remark took it all in his stride as a sort of hint to cut the bullshit, and laughed along with everyone else. (Thank Christ!)

 

[Feed the Monster]

I think it means, we need to hit our targets.

Aye, its where the rubber hits the road and the passengers should get off the bus

 

[The Hooded Claw]

I need to establish a pathway through this thread.

 

[the walrus]

Let me just pitch this idea, let it run and see if it takes off yeah?

Team morale

Let me just jump on your thought train for a moment

 

[Scimmy]

Posted this last time a thread like this was dusted off.

I received an email at work from somebody I had never heard of but who had acquired my email address. It wasn't an obvious bulk spam but more a specifically aimed marketing mail to individuals known to be in the industry.

After the greeting, it launched into "I just wanted to reach out and touch base with you to share some....." and I stopped reading and deleted it.

Right stick-in-the-mud, me.

 

[dcl0sc]

"What about the tin?" Arrrrrrrgh!!!! you mean hardware?

 

[lurker]

This thread needs sunsetting

 

[max wartbug]

"Bump the Lamp" was a one that came and went pretty quickly at a place I endured.