why do some blokes leave their wives if a younger and more attractive option is available

[lurker]

That's not a law.



Oh aye, meant Rachel!

You're about 20 clem off Rachel there.

Each to their own, but lets be honest, people who dont stray often dont cos they are told it is wrong (usually cos they have made some vows in relation to some man made bollocks religion). If it wasnt for that more would IMO. I personally think it is wrong for a person to deny their partner sex. In fact I find it bizarre to not want to have sex with your partner. In those cases I dont blame a person for getting it elsewhere.

The best ever scenario would be to be with someone who didnt mind if you roll shag other people. Must be class going to swingers parties with ya missus like.



The only two valid reasons not to

*although the point to the thread was more abou tmen leaving their wives when they reach middle age rather than f***ing around.

Aye, must be class watching your lass get fucked all over by two blokes whilst you sit in the corner making small talk with the other ugly bloke in the room...

 

[dangermows]

Aye, must be class watching your lass get fucked all over by two blokes whilst you sit in the corner making small talk with the other ugly bloke in the room...

I would be wanking like fuck

*My only rule would be the men must have cocks no smaller than 8"

 

[lurker]

I would be wanking like fuck

*My only rule would be the men must have cocks no smaller than 8"

Whatever floats thee boat marra

 

[dangermows]

Whatever floats thee boat marra

It doesnt float hers, so its a none starter

 

[sonson]

Each to their own, but lets be honest, people who dont stray often dont cos they are told it is wrong (usually cos they have made some vows in relation to some man made bollocks religion). If it wasnt for that more would IMO. I personally think it is wrong for a person to deny their partner sex. In fact I find it bizarre to not want to have sex with your partner. In those cases I dont blame a person for getting it elsewhere.

The best ever scenario would be to be with someone who didnt mind if you roll shag other people. Must be class going to swingers parties with ya missus like.



The only two valid reasons not to

*although the point to the thread was more abou tmen leaving their wives when they reach middle age rather than f***ing around.

I think fidelity and faithfulness are important. I try to base my understanding of morality on how I would like to be treated, and I think the world in general is a better place if people think about more than just what they themselves want. I had an amazing upbringing for example that has given me a massive head start because my parents were patient with me and my dad thought about the bigger picture rather than just who he wanted to shag. Whereas I know a lot of people who had parents who were more interested in themselves than the kid they brought into the world, and it all it brought about was a whole family of unhappy and broken people.

Presumably people who get married understand that they and their partner will get older, and that girls will continue to be born and turn into women perpetually be in the prime of their sexual attractiveness, who will themselves also get older as younger people come along etc? It’s not like it’s a secret.

If you want to chase tail all your life don’t commit to one person. You don’t commit to someone just so you can reliably have sex. It’s all about the committed partnership and relationship and companionship. If someone’s want that and sex with a bunch of different people then they need to work out how to do that properly. Most people don’t like being treated like that and they don’t deserve to be emotionally abused and hoarded just so someone else can have everything they want.

Also if someone’s understanding as to what life is about primarily resides in sex and sexual attraction, they have no right what so ever to complain when they’re past your prime and no-one regards them as anything special anymore, assuming they ever did in the first place. Maybe the memories of one night stands and fantastic sex will keep them company as they become frail and vulnerable, but I doubt it. Especially given that most older folk I know who used to love doing certain things are now just angry they can’t do it anymore. Probably just become a sad, lonely, pervy old man. Id’ rather have a pal who is past their prime physically but a beautiful person who will help me work out life as I become more vulnerable and less capable mentally and physically.

 

[Deleted member 30853]

Each to their own, but lets be honest, people who dont stray often dont cos they are told it is wrong (usually cos they have made some vows in relation to some man made bollocks religion). If it wasnt for that more would IMO. I personally think it is wrong for a person to deny their partner sex. In fact I find it bizarre to not want to have sex with your partner. In those cases I dont blame a person for getting it elsewhere.

The best ever scenario would be to be with someone who didnt mind if you roll shag other people. Must be class going to swingers parties with ya missus like.



The only two valid reasons not to

*although the point to the thread was more abou tmen leaving their wives when they reach middle age rather than f***ing around.

You've unwittingly identified a problem in that if you've a couple where there is a massive disparity in sex drive, the person who's not interested in sex doesn't get the needs of the person that does. Issues like higher sex drive, potential infidelity or even just masturbation to relieve extra sexual tension can seem alien, even unnatural to the person with the non-existent sex drive and they may not even conceive the difference is causing a problem as they don't feel there is one.

I'm thinking of a couple I used to know here and he eventually went off elsewhere.

 

[dangermows]

You've unwittingly identified a problem in that if you've a couple where there is a massive disparity in sex drive, the person who's not interested in sex doesn't get the needs of the person that does. Issues like higher sex drive, potential infidelity or even just masturbation to relieve extra sexual tension can seem alien, even unnatural to the person with the non-existent sex drive and they may not even conceive the difference is causing a problem as they don't feel there is one.

I'm thinking of a couple I used to know here and he eventually went off elsewhere.

That is exactly the crack with the couple I mentioned earlier in the thread. (My mams mate, and her fella did off with her mate in the end). I can happily talk openly with my mam about sex etc and she said that her mate has no drive, they would literally go 12 months with no action and she would even go in moods if her fella was rubbing one out cos she just didnt get why he needed to. Gonna make my mam sound like a right filth bag here, but she reckons 9 times out of 10 men only leave if there is an issue with a couples sex life, cos she thinks men are very simple creatures and didnt blame her man for doing off (she does say he shouldve left before shagging about mind).

*The mate has since got with a nother bloke, and he is her perfect match as he has zero need to shag either - well to the point my mam thinks he might even be gay

 

[sonson]

You've unwittingly identified a problem in that if you've a couple where there is a massive disparity in sex drive, the person who's not interested in sex doesn't get the needs of the person that does. Issues like higher sex drive, potential infidelity or even just masturbation to relieve extra sexual tension can seem alien, even unnatural to the person with the non-existent sex drive and they may not even conceive the difference is causing a problem as they don't feel there is one.

I'm thinking of a couple I used to know here and he eventually went off elsewhere.

I knew a mate in the same boat. They went to counselling though and they worked out what it was that lay behind it, and it wasn't just that he had a high sex drive and she didn't, it was more the case that the disaprity between the two was made massive over time becuase he was just making it worse by constantly pushing for it, there was no compromise. They worked at it and while he's basically always up for it and she isn't their sex life is healthy and he's happy enough. They are far more compatible on pretty much every other front, so they can deal with not being perfect in every respect, which seems a sensible way of looking at. Marriage isn't a promise to be 100% percent happy with someone.

I think most things in a marraige can be worked at. It's amazing how many people are willing to work at things in other parts of their life- diet, qualifications etc, and recognise the need to do more than they are doing. But in a lot of marriages it seems a lot of people just refuse to do that on the grounds that they're different or not like that etc.

My marriage has turned out way different to what I expected it to, because my wife is seriously ill now and she wasn't before we got married. Sometimes I put her to bed like a child because she's so frightened, and I frequently have to stop doing stuff in my free time to help with stuff. She still looks pretty good but she's not in the amazing physical condition she was when we got married, again cos of her illness. That was never part of the plan. But y'know, I promised to take her in sickness and in health, so I'm doing that. It's not easy but we have great friends, we love each other and we make sacrifices to help each and to help understand each other. Life has turned out differnetly to what I'd hoped, but the main thing when I got married was that I basically declared the one constant in my life would be her, at the expense of everything else. If I wasn't prepared to take that on, I should never have got married. It's not like the vows aren't comprehensive. It's the best thing I've ever done.

I've had several opportunites to have an affair or fuck around or whatever but that would be a (untish thing to do, so I haven't.

 

[dangermows]

I knew a mate in the same boat. They went to counselling though and they worked out what it was that lay behind it, and it wasn't just that he had a high sex drive and she didn't, it was more the case that the disaprity between the two was made massive over time becuase he was just making it worse by constantly pushing for it, there was no compromise. They worked at it and while he's basically always up for it and she isn't their sex life is healthy and he's happy enough. They are far more compatible on pretty much every other front, so they can deal with not being perfect in every respect, which seems a sensible way of looking at. Marriage isn't a promise to be 100% percent happy with someone.

I think most things in a marraige can be worked at. It's amazing how many people are willing to work at things in other parts of their life- diet, qualifications etc, and recognise the need to do more than they are doing. But in a lot of marriages it seems a lot of people just refuse to do that on the grounds that they're different or not like that etc.

My marriage has turned out way different to what I expected it to, because my wife is seriously ill now and she wasn't before we got married. Sometimes I put her to bed like a child because she's so frightened, and I frequently have to stop doing stuff in my free time to help with stuff. She still looks pretty good but she's not in the amazing physical condition she was when we got married, again cos of her illness. That was never part of the plan. But y'know, I promised to take her in sickness and in health, so I'm doing that. It's not easy but we have great friends, we love each other and we make sacrifices to help each and to help understand each other. Life has turned out differnetly to what I'd hoped, but the main thing when I got married was that I basically declared the one constant in my life would be her, at the expense of everything else. If I wasn't prepared to take that on, I should never have got married. It's not like the vows aren't comprehensive. It's the best thing I've ever done.

I've had several opportunites to have an affair or fuck around or whatever but that would be a (untish thing to do, so I haven't.

Good work mate, you seem like a top bloke.

For me though, it isnt all black and white.

Im thinking if i was in a boat where for whatever reason my missus was simply unable to have sex ever again. There is pretty much no chance Id just accept that my sex life was over, and I dont think I should have to (even if youve made vows). Obviously Im not saying id jump ship, id still be a loving and caring partner, but id definitely be getting my fix elsewhere somehow, and I dont think that would make me a (unt. It would make me human, with basic human needs.

In fact, if it was roles reversed, id actually understand if she needed a jump now and again.

 

[sonson]

Good work mate, you seem like a top bloke.

For me though, it isnt all black and white.

Im thinking if i was in a boat where for whatever reason my missus was simply unable to have sex ever again. There is pretty much no chance Id just accept that my sex life was over, and I dont think I should have to (even if youve made vows). Obviously Im not saying id jump ship, id still be a loving and caring partner, but id definitely be getting my fix elsewhere somehow, and I dont think that would make me a (unt. It would make me human, with basic human needs.

I think that's different though. I could be wrong but I think if my wife *knew* she could never have sex again, that she would be willing to look into compromise on that front, as with everything else. I mean it's not something I like to even think about but I don't think she would just be like-this is the way it is or has to be, because she's never taken that attitude with anything else.

But that's quite specific. I think most men who leave their wives to have sex with other people don't do so in those circumstances. They do so because they prioritse their own sexual gratification over their commitment to and the emotional health of their wife. In the experiences Ive encountered anyway. Ive know happy divorces and that sort of thing but again, there's a difference between consensual separation and someone just going off to do their own thing.

 

[Deleted member 30853]

That is exactly the crack with the couple I mentioned earlier in the thread. (My mams mate, and her fella did off with her mate in the end). I can happily talk openly with my mam about sex etc and she said that her mate has no drive, they would literally go 12 months with no action and she would even go in moods if her fella was rubbing one out cos she just didnt get why he needed to. Gonna make my mam sound like a right filth bag here, but she reckons 9 times out of 10 men only leave if there is an issue with a couples sex life, cos she thinks men are very simple creatures and didnt blame her man for doing off (she does say he shouldve left before shagging about mind).

*The mate has since got with a nother bloke, and he is her perfect match as he has zero need to shag either - well to the point my mam thinks he might even be gay

Marriage is still used by some blokes to conceal their gay selves and in the above, he may have a perfect arrangement.

 

[dangermows]

I think that's different though. I could be wrong but I think if my wife *knew* she could never have sex again, that she would be willing to look into compromise on that front, as with everything else. I mean it's not something I like to even think about but I don't think she would just be like-this is the way it is or has to be, because she's never taken that attitude with anything else.

But that's quite specific. I think most men who leave their wives to have sex with other people don't do so in those circumstances. They do so because they prioritse their own sexual gratification over their commitment to and the emotional health of their wife. In the experiences Ive encountered anyway. Ive know happy divorces and that sort of thing but again, there's a difference between consensual separation and someone just going off to do their own thing.

Agreed. I think if something means so much to you, you should at least be sitting down with your partner and being honest about it. But at some point, if it really is something that is too important to a person, and they cant find a compromise, then surely its better to split. (cos Im sure the person who isnt happy wont be making their partner as happy as they could be either).

Marriage is still used by some blokes to conceal their gay selves and in the above, he may have a perfect arrangement.

Well his first wife left him for another man, so his opportunity to come out was there to be had. Instead he opted for a lass who also has zero interest. (Actually, she must have some cos a few months ago on a girls weekend away she got stuffed by a doorman - I shall quote my mam "her first bit of action for almost two and a half years" )

 

[Seaham_FTM]

Good work mate, you seem like a top bloke.

For me though, it isnt all black and white.

Im thinking if i was in a boat where for whatever reason my missus was simply unable to have sex ever again. There is pretty much no chance Id just accept that my sex life was over, and I dont think I should have to (even if youve made vows). Obviously Im not saying id jump ship, id still be a loving and caring partner, but id definitely be getting my fix elsewhere somehow, and I dont think that would make me a (unt. It would make me human, with basic human needs.

In fact, if it was roles reversed, id actually understand if she needed a jump now and again.

I agree with this to be honest.

Me and my lass have actually had a pissed conversation where she said (touch wood) if she was ever unable to satisfy my desires through a tragic accident she would be ok with me getting my end away elsewhere as long as it was paid for and a one off.
We have some reet chats when we are mortal like

 

[Sir Lancelot]

Fuck that man, if im letting my missus get shagged its not costing us!

Am I correct in assuming you are female?

So you would prefer your missus to go out with another bloke, have sex and possibly become emotionally involved with him? Is that a bit like cutting your nose off to spite your face?

The whole point of saying, yes you can go and have sex with someone else is to preserve the existing relationship. I'm assuming that other than the sex issue the relationship is good. Clearly then you don't want your missus actually falling for the person that she is shagging.

And yes to the second para.

 

[The Hunt]

most lasses would would fuck there fellas of in a heartbeat if a bloke with shit loads of cash came along.

 

[dangermows]

So you would prefer your missus to go out with another bloke, have sex and possibly become emotionally involved with him? Is that a bit like cutting your nose off to spite your face?

The whole point of saying, yes you can go and have sex with someone else is to preserve the existing relationship. I'm assuming that other than the sex issue the relationship is good. Clearly then you don't want your missus actually falling for the person that she is shagging.

And yes to the second para.

Im obviously looking at it through my own eyes, a fuck is just that. Nothing more. Ideal if he is happy for me to watch

most lasses would would fuck there fellas of in a heartbeat if a bloke with shit loads of cash came along.

I tend to agree.

Men tend to focus much more on sex/attractiveness etc. whereas women, although they sex/attractiveness comes into it, look more for lifestyle/security etc.