Depends if he was feeling sleepy
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Depends if he was feeling sleepy
Dave Herbal
Striker
The one where the lass did one while I was at the bog and I let the SMB persuade me she'd been abducted and called the polis.
admwil
Striker
Mate of mine did the same thing in a foam party at BCM in Magaluf. Necking on and felt down the arm...
WildTurkey
Midfield
A 'mate' (truthfully) took a lass out off POF. She told him she couldn't drink, so he plyed her with wine to take advantage. Said she was manky, and 'Sunderlands No.1 fan' to top it off (He's NUFC ST holder) but he thought 'in for a penny, in for a poundland' and persevered.
Got back to his flat share and his mate had some lads around, so not to be judged he started pushing her up the stairs when she was trying to see what was going on inside, so the lads couldn't see how bad she was.
On the way up the stairs he was pushing her arse, and thought she felt a bit 'wet'. Turns out she had shit yerself. He has very little standards so he still got her into bed, but thought better of it and just let her sleep.
He reckons he was just as bad (apart from shitting himself) so when he woke up in the morning and slipped her one he didn't remember until he seen the skiddies on the bedclothes. Still finished though
Obviously he got rid of her early doors, but his flatmate hadn't heard them leave, so popped his head in the room to see how he got on the previous night, only to witness his shit covered bed
Got back to his flat share and his mate had some lads around, so not to be judged he started pushing her up the stairs when she was trying to see what was going on inside, so the lads couldn't see how bad she was.
On the way up the stairs he was pushing her arse, and thought she felt a bit 'wet'. Turns out she had shit yerself. He has very little standards so he still got her into bed, but thought better of it and just let her sleep.
He reckons he was just as bad (apart from shitting himself) so when he woke up in the morning and slipped her one he didn't remember until he seen the skiddies on the bedclothes. Still finished though
Obviously he got rid of her early doors, but his flatmate hadn't heard them leave, so popped his head in the room to see how he got on the previous night, only to witness his shit covered bed
Keawyeds
Striker
Get in there... I'm unreasonably proud of that.
S
Sebasaurus II
Guest
I went back to a lass's flat with two of her mates with the idea of having a foursome one night after being out in Newcastle. I went into the bedroom with one of the lasses while the other two were outside giggling saying they'd come in and join us once we got going.
Anyway, we're literally seconds away from penetration when the lass just looks at me and goes "who the FUCK are you?"
From the look on her face I knew that it was going to end badly. I said "what do you mean?". She started to get teary-eyed and says again "who are you? I don't know you! What's the fuck's going on?! Get off me!" and started screaming and crying her eyes out. I stood up and she ran out of the room, the lasses were in the kitchen asking her what was wrong and she was so hysterical that she couldn't get her words out.
I was that scared that I just grabbed my clothes and nashed off, put them on in the lift and ran back to my mate's flat in Heaton.
monkeytassle
Striker
lasses are mental mind.I went back to a lass's flat with two of her mates with the idea of having a foursome one night after being out in Newcastle. I went into the bedroom with one of the lasses while the other two were outside giggling saying they'd come in and join us once we got going.
Anyway, we're literally seconds away from penetration when the lass just looks at me and goes "who the FUCK are you?"
From the look on her face I knew that it was going to end badly. I said "what do you mean?". She started to get teary-eyed and says again "who are you? I don't know you! What's the fuck's going on?! Get off me!" and started screaming and crying her eyes out. I stood up and she ran out of the room, the lasses were in the kitchen asking her what was wrong and she was so hysterical that she couldn't get her words out.
I was that scared that I just grabbed my clothes and nashed off, put them on in the lift and ran back to my mate's flat in Heaton.
You disgust meI went back to a lass's flat with two of her mates with the idea of having a foursome one night after being out in Newcastle. I went into the bedroom with one of the lasses while the other two were outside giggling saying they'd come in and join us once we got going.
Anyway, we're literally seconds away from penetration when the lass just looks at me and goes "who the FUCK are you?"
From the look on her face I knew that it was going to end badly. I said "what do you mean?". She started to get teary-eyed and says again "who are you? I don't know you! What's the fuck's going on?! Get off me!" and started screaming and crying her eyes out. I stood up and she ran out of the room, the lasses were in the kitchen asking her what was wrong and she was so hysterical that she couldn't get her words out.
I was that scared that I just grabbed my clothes and nashed off, put them on in the lift and ran back to my mate's flat in Heaton.
S
Sebasaurus II
Guest
I'd forgotten all about that until I was looking through some old photographs the other day and there's a picture of me with the three lasses. f***ing wads the lot of them. Little did I know at the time, at the tender age of 19, that I'd never, never get the chance for anything to happen like that ever again.
Although a year or so later I was making eyes with a lass in Digital and she later approached my accompanied by her boyfriend. I was thinking "here comes trouble" when he says "I saw you looking at my lass, do you think she's fit?" and all this. I turns out they're in an open relationship, and the lad swings both ways. He said I could come round theirs and fuck his lass as long as we're both involved. I said "aye, as long as you keep your hands to yourself marra" and he said he wouldn't. So I didn't bother. She was fit as fuck an'all.
K
King Benny
Guest
Worst one I had, she got the waiter to scrape her half eaten lunch into some tinfoil then popped it into her handbag. Breath was lifting anarl of rotting meet.
S
Sebasaurus II
Guest
Should have just bucked it shouldn't I?
You wouldn't be employable afterwards if you did
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wilka88
Midfield
That could of been a life changer .........
I went back to a lass's flat with two of her mates with the idea of having a foursome one night after being out in Newcastle. I went into the bedroom with one of the lasses while the other two were outside giggling saying they'd come in and join us once we got going.
Anyway, we're literally seconds away from penetration when the lass just looks at me and goes "who the FUCK are you?"
From the look on her face I knew that it was going to end badly. I said "what do you mean?". She started to get teary-eyed and says again "who are you? I don't know you! What's the fuck's going on?! Get off me!" and started screaming and crying her eyes out. I stood up and she ran out of the room, the lasses were in the kitchen asking her what was wrong and she was so hysterical that she couldn't get her words out.
I was that scared that I just grabbed my clothes and nashed off, put them on in the lift and ran back to my mate's flat in Heaton.
kevinarnott
Central Defender
3 of us in Athens to watch England a few years ago, came back to the hotel after the match bladdered, got cracking onto 2, lets just say, 'older' birds who said they were there on a pilgrimage IIRC the big one said she was training (or whatever) to be a nun.
Said big one took a liking to my mate and they both came back to our room - me and the other lad fell asleep quite quickly, but what I do remember is waking up for a piss and hearing noises across the room.
Stumbled over to see fatty chewing him off, she looked up and told me to fuck off
I can't look at Nuns in the same way now!
Said big one took a liking to my mate and they both came back to our room - me and the other lad fell asleep quite quickly, but what I do remember is waking up for a piss and hearing noises across the room.
Stumbled over to see fatty chewing him off, she looked up and told me to fuck off
I can't look at Nuns in the same way now!
Keawyeds
Striker
What the very fuck man...
amazing what stuff is on that google with any given phrase
forever aloneI went back to a lass's flat with two of her mates with the idea of having a foursome one night after being out in Newcastle. I went into the bedroom with one of the lasses while the other two were outside giggling saying they'd come in and join us once we got going.
Anyway, we're literally seconds away from penetration when the lass just looks at me and goes "who the FUCK are you?"
From the look on her face I knew that it was going to end badly. I said "what do you mean?". She started to get teary-eyed and says again "who are you? I don't know you! What's the fuck's going on?! Get off me!" and started screaming and crying her eyes out. I stood up and she ran out of the room, the lasses were in the kitchen asking her what was wrong and she was so hysterical that she couldn't get her words out.
I was that scared that I just grabbed my clothes and nashed off, put them on in the lift and ran back to my mate's flat in Heaton.
With you writing the scripts and @Her Ivory Tower reading them out I reckon there a pot of money to be made.
Have your people call my people and we'll be millionaires by Christmas
B
becs
Guest
Had the worst sex ever last night. He kept going floppy and missing and muttering something about a mattress. I was glad when he gave up and went home.
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