Unoffensive joke thread

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PTR said:
(Sorry Mods - probably a bit too much.)
I'll try again

I haven't slept for 3 days, because that would be too long

I asked my North Korean friend how it was there. He said he couldn't complain

I was at the ATM, and an old lady asked me to check her balance. So I pushed her over

Whiteboards are remarkable
Click to expand...
did you hear about the Jewish kamikaze pilot?????
He crashed his plane into his brothers scrap yard....


shite I thought you said offensive jokes
 
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A dwarf psychic escaped from prison. Police say there's a small medium at large.

Was on the toilet on a train the other day when the inspector asked for my ticket.

"I'm having a shit, come back later " I said
"Don't give me that, just pass it under the door " he said.
So I did..
"The yellow bits are sweetcorn mate "
 
Man walks into a pub with a giraffe. Orders a pint for them both. The giraffe drinks his, then collapses on the floor. The man goes to leave and the barman says 'Hey, you can't leave that lyin' there". The man says, "it's not a lion, it's a giraffe"
 
Charmless Man said:
Mr Tickle couldn't wait for married life... Tess, however, was unsure about taking his name in marriage.

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Man walks into a bar and says "I'll have a pint of adenosine triphosphate please."

Barman replies "That'll be 80p."
Click to expand...

wtf......... chemists nationwide just laughtes them selves silly. ATP..... GET YA COAT.
 
Two goldfish in a tank. One turns to the other and says
"How do you drive this thing?"

My Dad was a roofer. So Dad, if you're up there...

Have I told you my amnesia joke yet?
 
A woman was standing at the edge of a cliff trying to get the nerve to jump off.
A homeless drunk stopped and mumbled,
"If you're about to killyourself, how about a shag before you go?"
The woman was angry and said,
"No! Bugger off you filthy old bastard."
The tramp turned to leave and said,
"No problems, I'll just go and wait at the bottom then."
 
A mosquito was heard to complain
That chemists had poisoned its brain.
The cause of its sorrow
Was para-dichloro-
diphenyl-trichloroethane.
 
Roger Senseless said:
A mosquito was heard to complain
That chemists had poisoned its brain.
The cause of its sorrow
Was para-dichloro-
diphenyl-trichloroethane.
Click to expand...

That's a better chemist joke than the other one.
I had to Google the other one.

If it has to be explained, it's not funny.
 
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Richard Branson was coming to the end of his transatlantic balloon crossing spots land and reckons it must be Ireland, he shouts down to a fella working in the fields, where am I where am I? Paddy replies fek off a know you're in dat basket under the big balloon.
 
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