Create a Toby Carvery Poem and win a £15 voucher.

Status
Not open for further replies.


I like to eat at Toby Carveries,
It can be cheap if you go halveries.
Cordon Bleu and A la Carte...
Get what you pay for....dinnit start!!
 
Toby keep on profiteering
People they just keep on sneering
At the badly fitted leggings on display at table five
Her little lad messes around
He’s past the point of calming down
I guess you’d think she might have known
Not to stuff his face with Haribo,
And coke and crisps and all those E’s
OH SHUT UP KID, I’m begging please
On table eight call centre slaves
Try to think up different ways
To feed their clan on minimum wage
Whilst keeping Sky HD
And iPhones ring, whilst Ipods sing
And parents keep on bargaining
With their kids health and ready meals
And all the latest saves and steals
On table ten, it’s a different score
He’s left his dignity at the door
A plate so full of meat and more
He’ll need a drink tonight
And now we're back at table five
Her leggings tight around her thighs
And a spoilt brat who sits and cries
I eat my grub and get out fast
I just wish this week would last
More than seven days at which point when
I’ll have to do this all again
FIN
 
An ode to Toby (with some help from Crass)

Their plates are big, they've got big plates,
Big plates, big plates, big plates, big plates,
Wish for something nice to eat,
Big plates, big plates, big plates, big plates.
soggy veg, stringy meat,
Big plates, big plates, big plates, big plates.
They'll let you past a couple of times,
Big plates, big plates, big plates, big plates.
You think you're getting something, you're f***ing blind,
Big plates, big plates, big plates, big plates.
 
tunstall birdman said:
I my excited beating heart by street lamp light
As you walked towards me in the moonlight
We met, we hugged, I held you so so Tight
I held you pretty Angel as you shone bright
Then after the Toby Carvery, in a back lane
We made love, then again and again and again,
A love in my soul that will always remain,
The night we made love in the pouring rain
Behind the Toby Carvery.
Click to expand...

Carved your name into a rock,
Wanked your memory into a sock,
It was never meant Toby,
When we met at the Carvery.
 
The puddings are dry
But don't be shy
Food made with heart
All stinks of fart
 
A friendly face
A welcoming smile
A warm loving seat
A home from home
But if you want to feel more special
We also do that posh mustard with bits in
 
Another Ode to Toby (with a little help from Morrissey)

Toby
It brought you the carvery
Well Toby
You know where
You can shove your carvery
And don't you wonder
Why in Estonia they say
Hey you
You big fat pig
You fat pig
You fat pig
 
I wandered hungry as a cloud
That floats on high o'er pubs and inns,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of unwashed chaverlings;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Spitting and swearing without fabreeze.

Continuous as the third rate wine
And puddings made of clay,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of insipid gravy:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their sprouts on gravied pants .

The meats beside them danced; but they
Out-did the sparkling roasts in glee:
A carrot could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company:
I grazed—and grazed—but little thought
What shite the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the blight of awful food;
And then my heart with fear fills,
I'd rather feast on old road-kills.
 
I Roasted lonely as a spud
That roasts on high o'er oil and foil,
When all at once I saw a plate
A host, of golden carrots
Beside the lake of gravy beneath the mash
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay: 10
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.
 
An adaptation of a classic:

I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of charvers at the tills;
Beside the lake, beneath the tree
The rancid Toby Carvery

Edit: beaten to it, twice!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Back
Top