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tunstall birdman
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My brother went out on a first date a few weeks ago. He was home for 9pm so straight away I knew something was up.
He says they were cracking on for a couple of hours, flirty etc. and they got talking about sex (as you do on a first date) and she made a remark about how she has 'something at home that no man can give her' and went on talking. So he says to her what were you on about there then, have you got a rabbit or something. She says she doesn't but she can't tell him, hasn't told anyone before blahdy blah. He was just laughing about it with her and having a laugh saying ah it must be a massive dildo or something. Nope. Turns out what she has is a Chihuahua that she lets go down on her coz 'they have a pointy tongue that gets right in'
She texted him later on in the night saying she had a brill time etc so he rplied asking what she was up to and if she had the dog. Apparently she had lent it out to her mate for the night
Lambchops
Striker
I took this lass out one night in newcastle and she wanted to go home at 1030 she wasnt a big drinker and i was plying her with drinks so i'd get a buck later on. Anywag we get back to hers and shes like a dog in heat, piping me off, licking my arsehole the works. As im humping her from behind she's telling me she wants it up the arse so i spread her cheeks and ease the little general in - all of a sudden she starts screaming, telling me to get off her and that her ex husband had anally raped her!!! I got the fuck out of there sharpish
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Roger Senseless
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Perhaps if you'd tried using your cock and not a small plastic soldier?
My brother went out on a first date a few weeks ago. He was home for 9pm so straight away I knew something was up.
He says they were cracking on for a couple of hours, flirty etc. and they got talking about sex (as you do on a first date
She texted him later on in the night saying she had a brill time etc so he rplied asking what she was up to and if she had the dog. Apparently she had lent it out to her mate for the night
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Roger Senseless
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Don't they get suspicious when there's four thousand of your initials on the tree, but only one of everyone else's?
different trees mate, i don't go to the same place
but ...I remember the first date I had
It was the most embarrassing experience of my life
ended up in A and E after choking on the stone
Lambchops
Striker
Posted this before. Agreed to meet someone off POF for a cup of coffee in the Metrocentre. Went into a cafe where he decided he didn't want a drink, so I went to the counter and bought myself one. Turned round and he'd vanished. Saw him crouched down under the window as he claimed he didn't want people from work to see him with a lass. Sat in a corner and it was just really awkward. Never saw him again.
Some random bloke has added me on Facebook and keeps asking for a date but he's git boring and I don't want to meet him
Facebook friend request on its way from me tonight
ajthemackem
Striker
martinlumley
Striker
You shoved Bobby Kerr up her arse ?
lets turn it in to a first date joke thread man
I got talking to a mackem lass in the pub last night. After a while I said, "How about I take you to the zoo tomorrow?"
She said, "That's an unusual place for a first date."
I said , "No, not a date. It's just they'll be wondering where you've got to by now.
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Roger Senseless
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Ronnie? Mick? Charlie?different trees mate, i don't go to the same place
I remember the first date I had
It was the most embarrassing experience of my life
ended up in A and E after choking on the stone
tunstallhill
Striker
me a lass from Yorkshire on a night out in Newcastle, took her back to my student flat.
got in the bedroom and I pull me coweys down and she goes 'ey up lad, that's a big'un int it luv'
I said 'what the fuck did you just say?' she says 'I mean that you have a large cock'. I said 'ah, right, champion'
she then pulls her knickers off, I said 'fuckin hell, that's a cannyun'
she says 'what do you mean, cannyun??'
I said, ''you know, what cowboys ride through''
got in the bedroom and I pull me coweys down and she goes 'ey up lad, that's a big'un int it luv'
I said 'what the fuck did you just say?' she says 'I mean that you have a large cock'. I said 'ah, right, champion'
she then pulls her knickers off, I said 'fuckin hell, that's a cannyun'
she says 'what do you mean, cannyun??'
I said, ''you know, what cowboys ride through''
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Roger Senseless
Guest
Saw it coming but have a like anyway
ChrisAshley
Striker
I thought he was gonna say it's like the grand canyon.
martinlumley
Striker
I was at the tuxedo princess and got talking to my mates sisters friend, they were sat in a booth thing on a hen night. Anyway I told me mate I fancied this lass, and he set me up a date a few weeks later. I spoke to her on the phone and arranged to pick her up at her mothers. Pulled up outside and when the door opened she was about 3ft tall ( I'd only seen her sitting down and hadn't realised) now I'm not tall but she was minute, it was like taking a kid out. She couldn't see over the dashboard. She lived in washington, and we went to Chevies?, she held my hand as we walked in, and I felt so fuckin embarassed. I thought ' if she heads for the soft play area I'm off ', but we went up to the bar. Again she couldn't see over it, I felt like lifting her up. Worst couple of hours I've ever spent on a date, I could feel people sniggering. Poor lass she was canny as it happens, but it didn't stand a chance.
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