ajthemackem
Striker
I can tell immediately without elaboration that you spent the whole night with "Oompa Loompa Doopity Doo" going through your head.
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I can tell immediately without elaboration that you spent the whole night with "Oompa Loompa Doopity Doo" going through your head.
T
the walrus
Guest
Steeeeed
Winger
Your cock would have looked massive if she wanked you off with her tiny hands...
LadyMuck
Striker
ajthemackem
Striker
A few years ago I was due to go on a date with someone from work who was a little younger than me. A few hours before I was due to pick her up she asked if we could just stop in and watch a DVD. Champion I thought.
When I got to her house she answered the door in her pyjamas.
Thought she could have made an effort but she was clearly sending out a message.
Turns out she'd burnt herself on the sunbed earlier and couldn't put on any clothes.
She lived with her parents who were there when I arrived. They went out for an hour and we sat with her two dogs staring at us.
When her parents returned she asked permission to go up to her room where I discovered she had bunk beds.
I hadn't told anyone at work but the next day she told everyone which was awkward as she'd thought it had gone really well!
When I got to her house she answered the door in her pyjamas.
Thought she could have made an effort but she was clearly sending out a message.
Turns out she'd burnt herself on the sunbed earlier and couldn't put on any clothes.
She lived with her parents who were there when I arrived. They went out for an hour and we sat with her two dogs staring at us.
When her parents returned she asked permission to go up to her room where I discovered she had bunk beds.
I hadn't told anyone at work but the next day she told everyone which was awkward as she'd thought it had gone really well!
ajthemackem
Striker
A few years ago I was due to go on a date with someone from work who was a little younger than me. A few hours before I was due to pick her up she asked if we could just stop in and watch a DVD. Champion I thought.
When I got to her house she answered the door in her pyjamas.
Thought she could have made an effort but she was clearly sending out a message.
Turns out she'd burnt herself on the sunbed earlier and couldn't put on any clothes.
She lived with her parents who were there when I arrived. They went out for an hour and we sat with her two dogs staring at us.
When her parents returned she asked permission to go up to her room where I discovered she had bunk beds.
I hadn't told anyone at work but the next day she told everyone which was awkward as she'd thought it had gone really well!
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tunstall birdman
Striker
Wee was the poster on here who went back to a lasses and in the morning while she was still in bed asleep and if I remember rightly he took a tenner out of her purse for his taxi and and a large multipack of crisps from her cupboard?
Daffy
Striker
Sounds like shes had a lucky escape
tunstall birdman
Striker
LadyMuck
Striker
I have 2 that are in a tie break.
One was a lad from seaton sluice. Don't even know where the fuck that place still is. Met him in jesmond. Went for drinks. I got ridiculously mortal. Went back to his. Woke up on his settee at about 4am after obviously passing out. Went upstairs to find him. Sucked him off then fell asleep. He gave me a lift back to mine in the morning. He went to kiss me to say bye and I puked in his mouth. Never heard from him again.
The other...
Went down shields with a lad. Got ridiculously mortal. (A common theme). Took him back to mine and went on top. (Sorry OP, I put out on first dates). Anyway, I was on top and had no f***ing clue what I was doing. I couldn't function. He then flipped me on my back and I remember him saying 'this is where it starts baby'. Wtf! Then I passed out snoring. So I don't know if it even started or ended. Was mortified in the morning.
Mine are nowt like some of the horrors you lot have, but thought I'd share mine anyway!
One was a lad from seaton sluice. Don't even know where the fuck that place still is. Met him in jesmond. Went for drinks. I got ridiculously mortal. Went back to his. Woke up on his settee at about 4am after obviously passing out. Went upstairs to find him. Sucked him off then fell asleep. He gave me a lift back to mine in the morning. He went to kiss me to say bye and I puked in his mouth. Never heard from him again.
The other...
Went down shields with a lad. Got ridiculously mortal. (A common theme). Took him back to mine and went on top. (Sorry OP, I put out on first dates). Anyway, I was on top and had no f***ing clue what I was doing. I couldn't function. He then flipped me on my back and I remember him saying 'this is where it starts baby'. Wtf! Then I passed out snoring. So I don't know if it even started or ended. Was mortified in the morning.
Mine are nowt like some of the horrors you lot have, but thought I'd share mine anyway!
J
j.w
Guest
tunstall birdman
Striker
Have we met before?
Lambchops
Striker
Fancy a pint?
J
j.w
Guest
Randy Ostrich
Striker
First one to buck pell gets the fist
Charmless Man
Striker
I've answered this before on here and it's still the same tame story as before.
Had been recommended a cracking pub/restaurant out in the country and decided to take a girl there on a first date. Arranged taxis and all that then when we got there the food turned out to be very mediocre. I'd booked a table at a pub with the same name I'd been recommended but in a different village.
What a plonker. I apologised profusely for my cock-up and we arranged another 'date'.
All others I have been on have went brilliantly. That one did as well, just the food was disappointing.
How come everyone else on here is such an inept fool?
Had been recommended a cracking pub/restaurant out in the country and decided to take a girl there on a first date. Arranged taxis and all that then when we got there the food turned out to be very mediocre. I'd booked a table at a pub with the same name I'd been recommended but in a different village.
What a plonker. I apologised profusely for my cock-up and we arranged another 'date'.
All others I have been on have went brilliantly. That one did as well, just the food was disappointing.
How come everyone else on here is such an inept fool?
J
Jardin
Guest
Arranged an Internet date with a girl from Acton and met her in Croydon. Looked like her pictures.
Went into a pub, bought some drinks and whilst sitting down opposite her at a table, she leant over and whispered...
"Did you bring me to a f***ing black pub on purpose?"
Finished drink, blagged an emergency, headed off.
Went into a pub, bought some drinks and whilst sitting down opposite her at a table, she leant over and whispered...
"Did you bring me to a f***ing black pub on purpose?"
Finished drink, blagged an emergency, headed off.
R
Roger Senseless
Guest
So what exactly constitutes a good one?
FC United of Manchester
Striker
Many years ago we fixed up a mate of ours who had never had much success with the ladies, mainly due to the fact that he was well into his 40s, 25-30 stone and still lived with his mother.
After taking this lass out he took her back home for coffee. While he was in the kitchen making a pot of coffee she stripped off completely and lay on settee, when he came back into the room he got the shock of his life, tripped up and threw a pot of boiling hot coffee all over her. First degree burns to the chebs and all ower.
Had to take her to accident and emergency in a cab.
Dunno why but she never went out with him again
After taking this lass out he took her back home for coffee. While he was in the kitchen making a pot of coffee she stripped off completely and lay on settee, when he came back into the room he got the shock of his life, tripped up and threw a pot of boiling hot coffee all over her. First degree burns to the chebs and all ower.
Had to take her to accident and emergency in a cab.
Dunno why but she never went out with him again
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