Worst First date

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Randy Ostrich said:
First one to buck pell gets the fist :eek:
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:eek:

Jardin said:
Arranged an Internet date with a girl from Acton and met her in Croydon. Looked like her pictures.

Went into a pub, bought some drinks and whilst sitting down opposite her at a table, she leant over and whispered...

"Did you bring me to a f***ing black pub on purpose?"

Finished drink, blagged an emergency, headed off.
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So nee action from the girl from Acton.:)
 


Not sure if it officially falls into the category of first date but I briefly went out with my mate's cousin. She was very fit and 14 years younger than me and if I'm honest I was flattered by the attention.
Before we'd had a date she invited me to meet her and her mates when she was out for her 23rd birthday. We agreed to meet in the Borough and I'd just got a pint when they all turned up dressed in Ann Summers outfits.:eek:
I went round the town with them and looked like an old pervert, which quite frankly I am.
She is now a lesbian and her Mam blames me for turning her that way.:lol: If I could choose one superpower I think it would be the ability to create lesbians.
 
RestlessNatives said:
Not sure if it officially falls into the category of first date but I briefly went out with my mate's cousin. She was very fit and 14 years younger than me and if I'm honest I was flattered by the attention.
Before we'd had a date she invited me to meet her and her mates when she was out for her 23rd birthday. We agreed to meet in the Borough and I'd just got a pint when they all turned up dressed in Ann Summers outfits.:eek:
I went round the town with them and looked like an old pervert, which quite frankly I am.
She is now a lesbian and her Mam blames me for turning her that way.:lol: If I could choose one superpower I think it would be the ability to create lesbians.
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A you a shite buck like?
 
tunstall birdman said:
:eek:


So nee action from the girl from Acton.:)
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No action for her either ;)

Just remembered another gruesome one.

Went to meet a woman in Clapham. Got a message saying she was running late. Already in a pub so didn't really matter as I had a drink to keep me company. Kept getting updates on her way.

She arrived 45 mins late, was at least 15 years older than her picture and was dressed like a man in drag. Her hello was to try and tongue wrestle me out of the blue. Kept asking me what was wrong as it was probably fairly clear I wasn't impressed. Told her she was late and over familiar :) She said "does that mean I am not staying at yours then?"

"Not a chance" I replied.

She then gave me a sob story about having nowhere to stay cause she had already told her parents she was staying at mine. Told her parents! Who she lived with! Aged about 38.

Told her there was literally no way she would be staying at mine. She replied with the statement "Not even if I do anal?"

"No" I said. Told her it wasn't happening. Introduced her to a table of strangers next to us and exited the pub.
 
Jardin said:
No action for her either ;)

Just remembered another gruesome one.

Went to meet a woman in Clapham. Got a message saying she was running late. Already in a pub so didn't really matter as I had a drink to keep me company. Kept getting updates on her way.

She arrived 45 mins late, was at least 15 years older than her picture and was dressed like a man in drag. Her hello was to try and tongue wrestle me out of the blue. Kept asking me what was wrong as it was probably fairly clear I wasn't impressed. Told her she was late and over familiar :) She said "does that mean I am not staying at yours then?"

"Not a chance" I replied.

She then gave me a sob story about having nowhere to stay cause she had already told her parents she was staying at mine. Told her parents! Who she lived with! Aged about 38.

Told her there was literally no way she would be staying at mine. She replied with the statement "Not even if I do anal?"

"No" I said. Told her it wasn't happening. Introduced her to a table of strangers next to us and exited the pub.
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:lol: Are you Magnum PI?

Logon or register to see this image
 
Steeeeed said:
In my younger days I was going through a phase which I believe is commonly referred to a heterosexuality. Anyone, went on a data with a lass, back to hers, just as I was about to show her the time of her life she tells me that she was born without a womb and she really only has a token vagina, not a full size one.

Anyway, I slipped inside and my bell end just hit a wall, couldn't go any further and boy did I try. About 4 inches deep, so I only got about a third of the old chap inside her.

On reflection, I think I had sex with a post op transsexual woman.

Still, I suppose that's a full house.
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Post of the year ^^
 
LadyMuck said:
I have 2 that are in a tie break.

One was a lad from seaton sluice. Don't even know where the fuck that place still is. Met him in jesmond. Went for drinks. I got ridiculously mortal. Went back to his. Woke up on his settee at about 4am after obviously passing out. Went upstairs to find him. Sucked him off then fell asleep. He gave me a lift back to mine in the morning. He went to kiss me to say bye and I puked in his mouth. Never heard from him again.
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Surely that's his worst first date story, not yours :lol:
 
LadyMuck said:
One where I'm not as blotto, can ride like a cowgirl and not puke in his mouth! I don't ask for much :p
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So how many SMBers have you shagged? Just to the nearest percentage like, don't want to stress you out.
 
RestlessNatives said:
Not sure if it officially falls into the category of first date but I briefly went out with my mate's cousin. She was very fit and 14 years younger than me and if I'm honest I was flattered by the attention.
Before we'd had a date she invited me to meet her and her mates when she was out for her 23rd birthday. We agreed to meet in the Borough and I'd just got a pint when they all turned up dressed in Ann Summers outfits.:eek:
I went round the town with them and looked like an old pervert, which quite frankly I am.
She is now a lesbian and her Mam blames me for turning her that way.:lol: If I could choose one superpower I think it would be the ability to create lesbians.
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Seems you already have that superpower!

Went on a date with a lass from a Durham village once which I won't divulge (f***ing writing was on the wall).

Good date on the drink and went back to hers, no chance I was making my way back to Sunderland from there.

Tore her knickers off and proceeded to go down on her. Felt something dry on my tongue, popped my head up and spat a bit of toilet roll out that was clearly stuck to her labia.

Quickly put it behind me and cracked on, decent night after that.
 
Also had to listen to a mate shagging a bird who was about 4 and a half foot.

We're staying at hers and as a student only had one room.

We called her the stump as she was that short, he humped the stump.

The f***ing grunting from both of them has scarred me.

I caught some kind of scabies from her rotten sleeping bag too. I don't let him forget it.
 
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