Geez a joke

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If I had a pound for every time I looked on the negative side of things....

....imagine how much tax I'd have to f***ing pay.


Saw a lonely hearts ad the other day: Single man Sikhs lady who appreciates religion based puns.


A mate of mine told me I should ride a bike, cos it keeps you in good shape....

I tried, but the wind kept blowing my fag out.


A mate asked if I could have any superpower, what would it be?

I said cold war Russia.
 
Scimmy said:
Two thickheads are getting a car ready for it's MOT.

Thickhead One says to Thickhead Two "Right we're going to test the indicators now. Get round the back of the car and tell me if they're working."

Thickhead Two goes round the back and says "Yes they are, wait, no they're not, yes they are again, no they're not"......
Click to expand...

thickheads?

it was always Irishmen :lol:

to shite with the PC brigade
 
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tunstallhill said:
Paddy and Murphy lying in bed, paddy says: 'whey, Murphy, i dont think much of this wife swap'
Click to expand...
Paddy walks into a barn and sees Murphy dressed in sussy's and covered in baby oil grinding against some farming gear. Jeesuz Murphy, 'what you doing' says Paddy.

Murphy replies 'Well I went to the doctors to tell him me and the wife were having bother in the bedroom, so he told be to do something sexy to a a tractor'
 
David Moyes is going to run for UKIP in the next election, Nigel Farage thought he'd done such a great job at keeping Man. Utd. out of Europe.

Did you hear about the gay who didn't know the difference between putty and vaseline?
All his windows fell out.
 
I was at a restaurant the other night, when a flying insect flew into my soup and immediately exploded.

I think it was a jihaddy long legs.
 
I was having dinner with my boss and his wife and she asked how many potatoes I'd like.
Just one please, I said.
You don't have to be polite, she said.
I said.....Just one then you fat cow!
 
A taxi driver walks up to a woman in a bar and says, "You're going to get laid tonight".
A bit surprised, she asks, "Really? How do you know that? Are you psychic?"
"No, I'm just stronger than you."
 
Have you heard about the conflict in the middle East?

Apparently people in Dubai don't like the Flintstones, but those in Abu Dhabi do.
 
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