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Management speak
- Thread starter Deleted User 11453
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The Sinful Dwarf
Midfield
Hate all this management claptrap. Need a root and branch appraisal to help move the goalposts, push the envelope, take it to the next level, create a strategic fit and then bring it back to the table. That should put the rubber to the road, take it offline and put it to bed. It's a quality driven, client-focused win win situation
T
The Exile
Guest
There's a post-it note up in an office I use regularly which says - 'what is the customer's journey?'
It's a f***ing air traffic control centre, they take off from one airport and land at another, now fuck off.
It's a f***ing air traffic control centre, they take off from one airport and land at another, now fuck off.
I use that, usually to stop arseholes trying to start a lynching in the middle of a fk up
Should have stuck in at school mate, currently sat on my fat arse thinking about making a bacon sarnie
Deleted User 11453
Striker
Shouldn't you be hewing out the coal with a pick axe? They now have iPads in collieries? How do you get a signal so far underground?????
Deleted User 11453
Striker
I twigged that a while ago! People need to stop and think whether the big issues will still warrant the attention in 5 years time.
I got a new boss this year who has arrived from the USA.
I now work in a "matrix organisation structure", perform "cold eye reviews", "deep dives" and occasionally have to "peel back the onion".
I now work in a "matrix organisation structure", perform "cold eye reviews", "deep dives" and occasionally have to "peel back the onion".
Dibble
Winger
You work in Jackie Whites market?
Deleted User 11453
Striker
I attended a training course once and the tutor was from the US. For the first 2 days we fannied around so on the last day we had a hell of a lot of content to work through. No problem though - the tutor proclaimed that it was 'hammer time' and we all went for it.
Unfortunately didn't see any of this ...
StripedPaddy
Winger
I reckon Kelly Brook is 'shovel ready '
Johnap
Winger
Finished all that now - semi-retired doing a little part-time job of no consequence to get me out of a morning. Don't work afternoons.
There are still some idiots around like but that is their problem.
Old Prestonian
Striker
Peeling them onions is bound to make your eyes water as will the cold. Makes perfect sense to me.
Edinburgh Black Cat
Striker
Did anyone hear that wanker on the apprentice say "There's no "I" in team but there are 5 in individual
brilliance"?
Best ones I've heard at work include:
Sometimes you need to tell someone they have an ugly baby.
It's his sheep, he can shag it.
My department is a "Centre of Excellence".
I'd hate to see the outskirts of excellence if the shite we get is the centre.
The worst part of it if they've added CoE on to all of the team names. It does nothing but make you look like a dick and raise questions about your credibility.
Good for you mate, grab that low hanging fruit.
brilliance"?
Best ones I've heard at work include:
Sometimes you need to tell someone they have an ugly baby.
It's his sheep, he can shag it.
My department is a "Centre of Excellence".
I'd hate to see the outskirts of excellence if the shite we get is the centre.
The worst part of it if they've added CoE on to all of the team names. It does nothing but make you look like a dick and raise questions about your credibility.
Good for you mate, grab that low hanging fruit.
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Kevin Arnott's right boot
Striker
Had that at the last office but one I worked in. It was combined with an agile desk policy, where basically certain desks were given to specific projects, but every other desk in the whole building was deemed as a hot desk, so you just turned up and sat where you liked. You also had no storage space, so had to carry everything with you everywhere you went.
Because my work needed software which was pc specific, as well as multiple monitor configuration, I refused to work until they gave me a desk of my own with correctly configured pc and monitors, then I put an A4 sign on the central monitor before I went home each day saying this desk is not a hot desk. Still sometimes, I'd get in in the morning, and somebody had removed the sign and sat there. Twats!
Dark Traveller
Striker
This thread brings back a few memories!
Mentioned this previously, but about ten years ago got out of work for the afternoon when scenes for an episode of Grumpy Old Women entitled "management speak" was filmed in my work's main boardroom, my old boss was involved in it playing the part of main management speaker, I was one the staff used as an extra sitting around the table hanging on his every word.
Every line imaginable was used that afternoon....
"Let's win this race together one hurdle at a time."
"There is no I in Team, but there is a me if you look hard enough."
"Let's raise some ideas on the flagpole and see which way they blow."
Mentioned this previously, but about ten years ago got out of work for the afternoon when scenes for an episode of Grumpy Old Women entitled "management speak" was filmed in my work's main boardroom, my old boss was involved in it playing the part of main management speaker, I was one the staff used as an extra sitting around the table hanging on his every word.
Every line imaginable was used that afternoon....
"Let's win this race together one hurdle at a time."
"There is no I in Team, but there is a me if you look hard enough."
"Let's raise some ideas on the flagpole and see which way they blow."
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