Worst First date

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Cockney Mackem said:
I hope you wore a condom, otherwise there was a big risk of you being exposed to hearing aids
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But at least he would have spotted the early signs.

monkeytassle said:
not that relevant but it always raises a smile, I had a 3some with 2 deaf lasses.
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I hope you did the SMB proud and had them screaming their hands off.
 
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Steeeeed said:
In my younger days I was going through a phase which I believe is commonly referred to a heterosexuality. Anyone, went on a data with a lass, back to hers, just as I was about to show her the time of her life she tells me that she was born without a womb and she really only has a token vagina, not a full size one.

Anyway, I slipped inside and my bell end just hit a wall, couldn't go any further and boy did I try. About 4 inches deep, so I only got about a third of the old chap inside her.

On reflection, I think I had sex with a post op transsexual woman.

Still, I suppose that's a full house.
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:lol: Fuckin' hell.

Not wanting to be too crude, but didn't you suggest the back door?
 
all the faulty cash point not dishing out any money... i had no money on me, she paid... didnt go on a second date...

turns out the cash points were fine, i merely miscalculated how much money was in my account.... ie. none! :oops:
 
Steesafc said:
Did the first date mistake with a lass a few years ago. Picked her up from hers and went off to the cinema. She said fuck all for most for the night and I sat there feeling awkward for a few hours. Weirdly as I dropped her off she said shed had a great time despite looking pretty emotionless the whole night.

Didn't go out again like
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Whey it's better than her rabbiting on through the friggin film innit?
 
DeLonge said:
My brother went out on a first date a few weeks ago. He was home for 9pm so straight away I knew something was up.

He says they were cracking on for a couple of hours, flirty etc. and they got talking about sex (as you do on a first date :lol:) and she made a remark about how she has 'something at home that no man can give her' and went on talking. So he says to her what were you on about there then, have you got a rabbit or something. She says she doesn't but she can't tell him, hasn't told anyone before blahdy blah. He was just laughing about it with her and having a laugh saying ah it must be a massive dildo or something. Nope. Turns out what she has is a Chihuahua that she lets go down on her coz 'they have a pointy tongue that gets right in' :lol:

She texted him later on in the night saying she had a brill time etc so he rplied asking what she was up to and if she had the dog. Apparently she had lent it out to her mate for the night :eek:
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johnna said:
i always used to carve a heart with our initials into a tree on the first date
It's the most romantic way to show her you have a knife
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:lol: :lol: That's the funniest thing you've ever said.

Roger Senseless said:
Perhaps if you'd tried using your cock and not a small plastic soldier?
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Haha, class.
 
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monkeytassle said:
I hope not mate otherwise it's taken 15 pages to describe what is quite a simple word.
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It seems similar to stories of people going on a holiday and shagging like a kangeroo on a spacehopper on a bouncy castle on a pole vault mat every night despite the fact they are absolute spenks who never talk to lasses at home.
 
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