Worst First date

[monkeytassle]

Like a gadgie but smaller?

Spot on sunshine

 

[Steeeeed]

Not a date but had a lass from Uni off my course over mine on Sunday. Just cracking on in my room at first for about an hour, bit of music on and then she came onto me and we ended up doing the deed. Encouraging me to scratch her and bite her git hard and that, not just little nibbles, nothing out of the ordinary but actually thought I was gonna lop her nipple off because she kept asking for it to be harder.

Then she noticed I had a couple of candles placed on my windowsill so she lit them and asked me to drip hot candle wax on her, and explained that she likes painful sex (even pointed out her initials were S&M ). Unorthodox for a first time with a new person but did it anyway, she loved it

She's a keeper but get it in writing that she's a dirty bitch who likes it rough.

 

[tunstall birdman]

Ah dinnit think she's gonna turn up now marra . If I were you I'd start looking elsewhere !

Mind getting dropping in never happened usually.

Like a gadgie but smaller?

 

[the flying graysons]

Not a date but had a lass from Uni off my course over mine on Sunday. Just cracking on in my room at first for about an hour, bit of music on and then she came onto me and we ended up doing the deed. Encouraging me to scratch her and bite her git hard and that, not just little nibbles, nothing out of the ordinary but actually thought I was gonna lop her nipple off because she kept asking for it to be harder.

Then she noticed I had a couple of candles placed on my windowsill so she lit them and asked me to drip hot candle wax on her, and explained that she likes painful sex (even pointed out her initials were S&M ). Unorthodox for a first time with a new person but did it anyway, she loved it

Thats a madonna movie plot line isn't it ?

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[ouro]

Met this lass at World HQ (or whatever it was called) in Newcastle. She was stunning. She kept asking if I was "up for a bit of fun". Took her back to my Sandyford palace and had a few more drinks. Sometime later it transpired that this "fun" entailed me having to shit on her tits. I told her I'd just been before I'd left the house and couldn't possibly accommodate her request. She went all huffy. Never arranged a second date. The dirty get.

Giggling like a bairn here imagining the mess if she asked me or @Lambchops to do that.

 

[Tex]

One of mine Thor'd from another thread.

In the days before mobile phones I necked-on with a lass down the town ...

Too easy marra.

"In the days before colour TV ..."

Nah

"In the days before horseless carriages ..."

Nah

"In the days before agricultural-based civilization ..."

Nah

"In the days before the existence of language ..."

Nah

"In the days before homomerectus' arboreal departure ..."

Aye that'll dee.

 

[the flying graysons]

projectile vomited after drinking cognac and brandy with a fella called Geoff one night, he had the worst smelling feet known to man rumour had it

Ooohh! Cognac and brandy tres sophisticated. Has no one ever told you not to mix your spirits?

 

[monkeytassle]

Giggling like a bairn here imagining the mess if she asked me or @Lambchops to do that.

Sorry love, I've just been but I can empty my pants on you if you like.

 

[ouro]

Sorry love, I've just been but I can empty my pants on you if you like.

Never mind shitting on her tits, she'd be covered from head to toe.

 

[monkeytassle]

Never mind shitting on her tits, she'd be covered from head to toe.

Pair of f***ing animals

 

[Lambchops]

Giggling like a bairn here imagining the mess if she asked me or @Lambchops to do that.

Shit Tsunami

 

[tunstall birdman]

Too easy marra.

"In the days before colour TV ..."

Nah

"In the days before horseless carriages ..."

Nah

"In the days before agricultural-based civilization ..."

Nah

"In the days before the existence of language ..."

Nah

"In the days before homomerectus' arboreal departure ..."

Aye that'll dee.

 

[Deleted member 30853]

Too easy marra.

"In the days before colour TV ..."

Nah

"In the days before horseless carriages ..."

Nah

"In the days before agricultural-based civilization ..."

Nah

"In the days before the existence of language ..."

Nah

"In the days before homomerectus' arboreal departure ..."

Aye that'll dee.

@tunstall birdman's had a snog? You'll be saying next a comet's going to wipe us out.

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[Tex]

Haway man Beefy, glass houses and all that.

When it comes to sexual shenanigans, or lack thereof, you and Birdy are in a four way tie for the wooden spoon along with those two lads named Chris who are always complaining bout being ugly social misfits.

 

[Deleted member 30853]

Haway man Beefy, glass houses and all that.

When it comes to sexual shenanigans, or lack thereof, you and Birdy are in a four way tie for the wooden spoon along with those two lads named Chris who are always complaining bout being ugly social misfits.

I'm afraid my rather tenuous claim to that wooden spoon ended approx. 10 pm on October 4th when a lass from Stoke picked me up in the Cooper Rose (on Green Terrace near the Borough as you're an exile).

Not had a shag since, I admit. It's been a long month.

 

[errant]

Met this lass at World HQ (or whatever it was called) in Newcastle. She was stunning. She kept asking if I was "up for a bit of fun". Took her back to my Sandyford palace and had a few more drinks. Sometime later it transpired that this "fun" entailed me having to shit on her tits. I told her I'd just been before I'd left the house and couldn't possibly accommodate her request. She went all huffy. Never arranged a second date. The dirty get.

bet she owned a glass coffee table...

 

[Cockney Mackem]

Too easy marra.

"In the days before colour TV ..."

Nah

"In the days before horseless carriages ..."

Nah

"In the days before agricultural-based civilization ..."

Nah

"In the days before the existence of language ..."

Nah

"In the days before homomerectus' arboreal departure ..."

Aye that'll dee.

The correct phrase is "in the days when you could still go to the park and find porn in the bush (and bush in the porn)"

 

[GBSAFC]

Been talking to some lass on POF for a few weeks looked canny etc etc... anyway arranged to meet down Hartlepool Marina for a few drinks..


anyway what turned up was about 20 stone heavier and 10 years older than her pictures and smelt of a cross between what can only be described as Chip Lard and Cat litter..

after the first drink i went for a piss and txt me mate for a lift told him to pull up outside..anyway as soon as i got me txt, offered to go to the bar and fucked off outside, got a txt about 20 mins later asking where i was hah never replied.

mate of mine when we were 16 went drinking in a club in shields...pissed as farts.
he then pulls a lass we'd been at school with.
...things start going well for him and it looks like he's in with a chance of a leg over..... right up until the point where during a long wet french kiss he throws up in her gob.


funnily enough he never saw her again

 

[errant]

mate of mine when we were 16 went drinking in a club in shields...pissed as farts.
he then pulls a lass we'd been at school with.
...things start going well for him and it looks like he's in with a chance of a leg over..... right up until the point where during a long wet french kiss he throws up in her gob.


funnily enough he never saw her again

its great that everyone knows someone like that...

 

[GBSAFC]

its great that everyone knows someone like that...

i like to think that ive (thus far) retained regurgitive integrity whilst on the case with a lady....

still time tho' blow chunks or shite myself tho'