Worst First date

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Norman said:
Not a first date but just literally had some shite sex about half an hour ago. Was like trying to fuck Mattress. Ended up not cumming, told her to piss off.
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@Mackem00 will give you the run down here marra

Kenoberz said:
I ended up sleeping with a girl I met at a club. Wasn't until 5am that I realised that we'd just had sex in her room with her one year old baby in a crib on the other side of her room. The bairn woke up so I was sat entertaining this girls baby until half seven whilst she slept. She lived with her parents too as I found out when they walked in on me sat playing peekaboo with their grandchild. Walk of shame five minutes later took me past the judging eyes of my ex's dad too.

Fun times.
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Wow
 
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My first 'date' consisted of walking home some older lady, her inviting me in for a coffee, me going all aspergers on her and saying I know what going for a coffee means it means you want sex with me.
Oddly, we had sex.
So all in all not a bad first date.
 
kensplace said:
My first 'date' consisted of walking home some older lady, her inviting me in for a coffee, me going all aspergers on her and saying I know what going for a coffee means it means you want sex with me.
Oddly, we had sex.
So all in all not a bad first date.
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This reads to me like you helped some old ganny across the road with her shopping bags, convinced her you should carry them home for her and then convinced her she should make a cuppa as "payment"... You've then made your move you twisted fucker :)
 
Goat Eyes said:
This reads to me like you helped some old ganny across the road with her shopping bags, convinced her you should carry them home for her and then convinced her she should make a cuppa as "payment"... You've then made your move you twisted fucker :)
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lol
 
Former workmate met this married lass who was up for it so went back to hers and he bucked her brains out on the couch - she apparently screamed a bit as well.

The lass said she did this fairly regularly, to which he responded "Aren't you afraid your husband will catch you?"

"No, I know exactly where he is. He's a sound sleeper and on permanent night shift. Pop upstairs and stick your head round the door for a quick look at him sleeping if you want to."
 
Students days in Newcastle. My mate pulled a lass in a pub- he'd been trying for weeks with her. They went back to his flat. She was wearing a long skirt - his hand went under and she then told him to loosen the leg for her - a prosthetic leg......... He never knew. She thought he did! Anyway...he still did the deed.
 
Steeeeed said:
In my younger days I was going through a phase which I believe is commonly referred to a heterosexuality. Anyone, went on a data with a lass, back to hers, just as I was about to show her the time of her life she tells me that she was born without a womb and she really only has a token vagina, not a full size one.

Anyway, I slipped inside and my bell end just hit a wall, couldn't go any further and boy did I try. About 4 inches deep, so I only got about a third of the old chap inside her.

On reflection, I think I had sex with a post op transsexual woman.

Still, I suppose that's a full house.
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Sounds more like a royal flush mate
 
RestlessNatives said:
Not sure if it officially falls into the category of first date but I briefly went out with my mate's cousin. She was very fit and 14 years younger than me and if I'm honest I was flattered by the attention.
Before we'd had a date she invited me to meet her and her mates when she was out for her 23rd birthday. We agreed to meet in the Borough and I'd just got a pint when they all turned up dressed in Ann Summers outfits.:eek:
I went round the town with them and looked like an old pervert, which quite frankly I am.
She is now a lesbian and her Mam blames me for turning her that way.:lol: If I could choose one superpower I think it would be the ability to create lesbians.
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That's absolutely exceptional.
 
Marcosplace said:
Students days in Newcastle. My mate pulled a lass in a pub- he'd been trying for weeks with her. They went back to his flat. She was wearing a long skirt - his hand went under and she then told him to loosen the leg for her - a prosthetic leg......... He never knew. She thought he did! Anyway...he still did the deed.
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Similarly one of my mates was a bit pissed and pulled a lass. Back at her place she pulls out a load of scarf type things and asks to be tied to the bed. No problem says my mate - first hand tied to the bed head no problem - goes for the second to find no hand. He hadn't noticed.
 
Marcosplace said:
Students days in Newcastle. My mate pulled a lass in a pub- he'd been trying for weeks with her. They went back to his flat. She was wearing a long skirt - his hand went under and she then told him to loosen the leg for her - a prosthetic leg......... He never knew. She thought he did! Anyway...he still did the deed.
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It's a matter of honour to ask if he did her on all threes
 
Market Where? said:
Similarly one of my mates was a bit pissed and pulled a lass. Back at her place she pulls out a load of scarf type things and asks to be tied to the bed. No problem says my mate - first hand tied to the bed head no problem - goes for the second to find no hand. He hadn't noticed.
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not that relevant but it always raises a smile, I had a 3some with 2 deaf lasses.
 
Met this lass at World HQ (or whatever it was called) in Newcastle. She was stunning. She kept asking if I was "up for a bit of fun". Took her back to my Sandyford palace and had a few more drinks. Sometime later it transpired that this "fun" entailed me having to shit on her tits. I told her I'd just been before I'd left the house and couldn't possibly accommodate her request. She went all huffy. Never arranged a second date. The dirty get.
 
daveyc said:
Met this lass at World HQ (or whatever it was called) in Newcastle. She was stunning. She kept asking if I was "up for a bit of fun". Took her back to my Sandyford palace and had a few more drinks. Sometime later it transpired that this "fun" entailed me having to shit on her tits. I told her I'd just been before I'd left the house and couldn't possibly accommodate her request. She went all huffy. Never arranged a second date. The dirty get.
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Didn't know LadyMuck went there anymore, so must've been a while back.
 
daveyc said:
Met this lass at World HQ (or whatever it was called) in Newcastle. She was stunning. She kept asking if I was "up for a bit of fun". Took her back to my Sandyford palace and had a few more drinks. Sometime later it transpired that this "fun" entailed me having to shit on her tits. I told her I'd just been before I'd left the house and couldn't possibly accommodate her request. She went all huffy. Never arranged a second date. The dirty get.
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Even though this never happened it still made me laugh
 
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